“I’m f*cking stuck. What would you do if you were me?”
This is a question I received recently during an Instagram Q&A.
First, I’d say I’m sorry. That stuck, flat, directionless state? It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating as f***. And it’s so easy to believe you’re the only one in it. But you’re not.
This experience may feel uniquely yours, but I promise, you’re not alone. And there are things you can do to shift it.
If I were you, I’d get my journal, get outside, and get to work.
Hear me out. Have you heard the analogy of a muddy pond? When the water is shaken up it becomes murky, you can't see anything, it's extremely unclear. But if left, the water becomes still, the sediment sinks to the bottom and the water clears. Your mind is similar, in moments when you feel unclear (or stuck) and don't know what to do or where to go... resist the very real urge to busy yourself. Instead, sit, breathe, journal and pretty quickly the answers become clear.
You could do some mind dumping and get all the thoughts out of your head and onto the page (mind dumping is one of the four journaling techniques you will learn in both journals) or if you need some more guidance, try these exercises / prompts.
1. Get clear on your core values.
When we’re feeling stuck, it’s almost always because we’ve lost connection with our values or we were never taught how to identify them in the first place.
Your values are your chosen life directions. They are deeply personal, and they give your life meaning.
The most empowering part? You can live in alignment with your values regardless of your external reality. Meaning you don’t have to wait for life to change (get the job, find the partner, fill in the blanks) until you can live a meaningful life. In Dr Emily Musgrove’s book Unstuck, she gives the example of a patient who dreamed of being a doctor. The pain from many failed attempts at getting into medical school was very distressing. In therapy, they discussed what about being a doctor was so important, and they discovered her values were to be helpful and caring. She went on to study occupational therapy and had a very fulfilling career. Though of course there may have been feelings of loss and disappointment letting go of her doctor career, however she could still live out her values day by day regardless of external circumstances.
If you’re unsure what your values are, try these two exercises.
-
In your life, what is most important to you right now?
Our intention is to be honest, not write what you think should be important. There's no resource limitations in this one either.
2. Values checklist - you can download one here, it’s a list of loads of values and instructions on how to narrow it down to your top core values. This exercise is also in our 21 Days of Journaling - Questions Your Therapist Would Ask You journal and our Goal Setting Workbook.
2. Do small but mighty things that make you feel good.
Journal on - What makes me feel alive and happy?
A common question I ask my clients that often trips them up is what do you like to do for fun? It could be as simple as having a hot coffee outside or rock climbing. We spend so much of our lives doing things we think we should that we disconnect from those activities we do just for enjoyment.
Again, this isn’t about waiting for your external world to change and that stuck feeling to go away. Instead it's about asking - What is my reality now? And how can I make it more enjoyable?
Romanticise your life. The smallest actions can have the biggest rewards, and create a positive ripple effect, so don’t overlook them.
3. Redefine your version of success.
Often, feeling stuck is a sign that you’ve been chasing a version of success that doesn’t actually fit.
Try journaling on
- Growing up, what were you told to believe about success? - Consider what was both said to you and modelled to you, and the conclusions you came to.
- What would I do if I knew I wouldn’t fail? - If no one was watching, and nothing was limited - what would I choose?
Getting honest about what you actually want is the beginning of becoming unstuck.
4. And finally,journal on...
If my best friend were in the same position I’m in now, what would I tell her?
Don’t just think about the answer, get pen to paper and see what comes up.
I hope this helps, truly. You deserve the big, fulfilling life you dream of.